Beavis and Butt-Head
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Beavis and Butt-Head é uma série de animação americana criada por Mike Judge (também criador de O Rei do Pedaço) exibida originalmente no canal MTV, de 1993 a 1997. No Brasil, a série foi exibida entre 1994 e 1998 pela MTV Brasil.
(at Burger World)
Customer: Are your shakes made with real milk and ice cream, or do you use that reconstituted shake mix stuff?
Beavis: Yeah.
Customer: What do you mean? Yeah, you use the shake mix, or yeah, you use the real stuff?
Beavis: Yeah.
Customer: Let me talk to the manager.
Beavis: Yeah.
(Butt-head shows up)
Butt-head: I'm the Assistant Manager, sir. Is there something I can help you with?
Customer: Yes, I am trying to ask a very simple question here. Are your shakes made from shake mix or from ice cream and milk?
Butt-head: We have vanilla, chocolate, and strawberry.
Butt-head: I think this guy is saying, "Elvis is in our genes."
Beavis: Hey Butt-head, check this out. (pause) Elvis has left my jeans!
Butt-head: Damnit Beavis, if you pull your pants down one more time I'm gonna kick your ass.
Beavis: (impersonating Elvis) Thank you very much.
Beavis: I wonder what the Crypt Keeper's nutsac looks like. It's probably all shriveled up like a raisin.
Butt-head: Ugh! That's disgusting, Beavis.
Beavis: (impersonating the Crypt Keeper) Naturally! Good evening, boys and ghouls! Here's a little tale from my nutsac!
(listening to a song called "Sold My Fortune")
Beavis: (singing along) Sold my fo-chun...Hey Butt-head, what's a fo-chun?
Butt-head: I think it's one of those couches that folds out into a bed.
Beavis: Hey Butt-head, I had a dream last night, where everything sucked.
Butt-head: What are you talking about, Beavis? Everything does suck.
Beavis: AH! NO!
(later)
Butt-head: Hey Beavis, you know what sucks?
Beavis: AH! NO!
Butt-head: Damnit Beavis, shut up. It really sucks when you do that.
Beavis: AH! NO!
Beavis: Hey Butt-head, what's a black hole?
Butt-head: It's this giant bunghole in outer space that sucks up everything and grinds it up and sends it to Hell.
Beavis: Hey Butt-head, what's a 357?
Butt-head: I think it's when you spin around in a circle.
(in the bathroom)
Beavis: I can't go.
Butt-head: Maybe you should use manners.
Beavis: Oh yeah. Please come out of my butt. Please?
Tom Anderson: You them two hoodlums? Buffcoat and Beaver?
Tom Anderson: These golf balls look sorta familiar.
Butt-head: Many balls look the same, sir.
Beavis: Yeah. I have two that are identical.
Butt-head: They should have a Crap section in the music store.
Beavis: Yeah. It would be out by the dumpster.
Workman #1: Looks like we found the sewage leak.
Workman #2: Damn, and I just showered the day before yesterday.
(Watching a bad video)
Butt-head: Stop in the name of all which does not suck.
Butt-head: This sucks more than anything that has ever sucked before.
Butt-head: When you walk the walk, you gotta like, talk too.
Beavis: Hey Butt-head, this chick has three boobs.
Butt-head. Cool. How many butts does she have?
(in speech therapy class)
Ms. Jenkins: Speaking slowly as such can say just as much.
Butt-head: Whoa, she just said "ass-munch".
Beavis: This chick rules.
Ms. Jenkins: Now Butt-head, you try one. Half haste helps but whole haste hinders.
Butt-head: Whoa, she just said "butt-hole".
Job Counselor: So, which duty do you enjoy most?
Butt-head: Beavis enjoys all his doodies.
Beavis: Yeah.
Job Counselor: Well, which do you enjoy most?
Beavis: Um, well...I guess the ones that take a long time.
Job Counselor: You like to get your hands dirty?
Beavis: Well, yeah, sometimes.
Job Counselor: Something you can really sink your teeth into?
Beavis: Um...no, that's disgusting.
Principal McVicker: You watch your mouth, you little pain in the ass.
Butt-head: Beware the long arm of Butt-head.
Beavis: Beware the long wiener of Beavis.
(watching a Jerry Lee Lewis video)
Butt-head: All you need to do is kick the piano and do it with your cousin, and you'll be cool forever.
Beavis: I am The Great Cornholio. I need TP for my Bunghole.
Daria: You two will never graduate.
Butt-head: Never masturbate?
Daria: GRADUATE. As in, finish school.
Beavis: You mean school ends?
(describing Beavis and Butt-head to the police)
Tom Anderson: One of them calls himself Butthole.
(watching a Kiss video)
Butt-head: These guys are pretty cool for a bunch of mimes.
Beavis: They should have a name for this kinda of music.
Butt-head: They already do, Beavis. It's called crap.
Substitute Teacher: So what's your name?
Butt-head: Joe.
Substitute Teacher: Joe What?
Butt-head: Joe Mama.
Substitute Teacher: That's funny! How about you, what's your name?
Beavis: Umm...Jack. Jack Mama.
Substitute Teacher: Well, you can't blame someone for trying.
Buzzcut: So, Beavis and Butt-head, I understand Mr. McVicker has made a little arrangement with you guys. Yeah, a little probation. You see class, Beavis and Butt-head here are not allowed to laugh for a whole week. That's right, and if they do laugh they'll be expelled, and they'll have to go to Hope High School where they'll get their asses kicked on a daily basis by all the other delinquents. Well, I was real glad to hear that, because this is sex education week. That's right, sex ed week. We're gonna be talkin' about the PENIS! We'll be talkin' about the VAGINA! Do you think that's funny, Butt-head? Do you find it amusing that we'll be talkin' about the TESTICLES? Yes, we're also gonna be talkin' about VENEREAL DISEASE! SEXUAL INTERCOURSE! And we will definitely be spending a lot of time talking about MASTURBATION!
(Beavis and Butt-head struggle to hold in their laughter)
(a teacher asks Butt-head if he is angry)
Butt-head: I'm, like, angry at numbers.
Beavis: There's like, too many of 'em and stuff.
(sitting in a class with kindergartners)
Butt-head: Hey Beavis, these chicks are flat.
Mr. Van Driessen: Being in the captivity of nature without women is the perfect way to wrestle with your manhood.
Butt-head: Beavis wrestles with his manhood.
Beavis: Yeah, and I usually win.
Butt-head: Dammit Beavis, what the hell are you doing? You're not supposed to have your penis out while you're cooking.
Butt-head: These guys remind me of Danzig and my butt.
Beavis: That's not very nice, Butt-Head.
Butt-head: Yeah it is. My butt rules.
Mr. Van Driessen: I'm going to close my eyes, and I want you to wow me.
Butt-head: Is that allowed on school property?
Burger World Manager: You don't get workers compensation for fighting, it has to be an accident.
Beavis: You mean we need to poop in our pants?
Beavis: Hey Butt-head, is it normal for the inside of your bunghole to itch?
Butt-head: Beavis, it's not even normal to ask.
(about Kato Kaelin)
Beavis: You know, he seems like a great guy.
Butt-head: Yeah. He's the kind of guy you would call up and say, 'Hey, you're a great guy. Why don't you come on over and stay a while?'
Beavis: Yeah. Except he kind of looks like the ass-end of a dolphin.
Butt-head: Yeah, he kind of does.
Butt-head: Alright, Beavis. You'll keep talking about loogies while I'll be slapping around my gigantic shlong.
Butt-head: This bowling ball isn't human! It doesn't feel pain! It cannot be reasoned with!
Butt-head: I wonder if this pipe is for crawling through or for turds?
Beavis: It would be cool if they had pipes with crap and turds running through them.
Butt-head: They do, dumbass. How do you think all that crap gets out of your house?
Beavis: It doesn't. It's in my basement in little jars.
Butt-head: Thats pretty disgusting, Beavis.
911 Operator: 911, what's your emergency?
Beavis: Butt-head's choking.
911 Operator: Have you Heimliched the victim?
Beavis: Have I licked his rectum? No way! Well, one time we were playing truth or dare, and...
Army Recruiter: Son, do you know what a quota is?
Butt-head: You mean like, 25 cents?
Principal McVicker: I don't know what you're thinking, but I simply cannot have students roaming the halls, disrupting other classes, and giving prophecies of a great plague.